Friday, February 22, 2008

A-Rod Tells It Like It Is...Or Might Be...Or Should Never Be

If only Alex Rodriguez would miss reporters' microphones as much as he misses pitches with men on the base in the playoffs, he'd be much better off. On Thursday, according to the Associated Press, A-Rod tried to come out in support of Yankee teammate Andy Pettitte, who recently admitted taking human growth hormone in 2002 and 2004.

He started off strong: "Andy is one of the greatest human beings I've ever met." Quite a compliment, even for a guy whose reference set includes a stripper in Toronto.

But then he goes on. "I have two daughters -- well, I have one and one on the way. If I had a daughter, I would want 'em to marry Andy Pettitte. The age difference might be a little awkward, but in today's day and age anything is possible."

And he wonders why he caught flak for exaggerating how many times he was tested for drugs last year. Early Thursday he said, "Last year, I got tested 9-to-10 times. We have a very, very strict policy, and I think the game is making tremendous strides." But, later that day, through a statement put out by the Yankees, "My quote from earlier today was taken literally. I was not tested nine or 10 times last year. I was just using exaggeration to make a point."

He can't even directly state how many daughters he has! I have two. I have one. If I had one. And while the age difference between either his toddler daughter or his soon-to-be-born child and the 35-year-old Pettitte might be awkward, apparently giving Andy Pettitte a second wife would not be awkward.

Yankees brass are hard at work on a statement. "I do not have two daughters. I was exaggerating to make a point that if my unborn child were born, I would approve of her marrying Andy Pettitte. Of course, that was also an exaggeration, as Andy Pettitte is already married, and I am not condoning polygamy. I do, however, believe that Major League Baseball is making tremendous strides towards removing the use of polygamy from the game of baseball. I also exaggerated, but this time without making a point, when I said 'if I had a daughter.' In fact I do have a daughter, and I realize now that it would be best to check with the current Mrs. Pettitte before recommending such a union. Further, I have no evidence that Andy Pettitte ever told my daughter about his conversations with Roger Clemens regarding the use of HGH. But Andy Pettitte, being one of the greatest human beings of all time, probably would have, because he's so honest. In today's day and age anything is possible."


Post a Comment

Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]

<< Home